one night, and one mores time, thanks for the memories. even tho they weren't that great.

i bought the new fall out boy cd. it's amazing. this is quickly becoming one of my faves. i am relating it to the shit storm of my relationship, or lack-thereof with mr. brown. its basically sayin hey, its been fun but not THAT fun and i kinda found someone better. even tho i havent found someone better it gives me hope, and i am absolutely head over heels for him but i dont have forever, i wish i did cuz i would wait forever for him to come around. but in all reality, with the stopping of the lies i argue over in my own head, i dont with all of me think he will ever say "i cant live without you". for real tho, he has left me a comment on my myspace ONCE in the last three weeks, and a comment on myspace means nothing because we used to have hour long (minimal) conversations on the phone almost every night. and for real, i am 20 years old, MY BOOBS ARE GONNA START SAGGING SOON! well okay not soon but you get it. anyways...read the words, or better yet buy the cd, its sooooooooooooooo good! ok POBS

"Thnks Fr Th Mmrs"

I'm gonna make you bend and break
(It sends you to me without wait)
Say a prayer but let the good times roll
In case God doesn't show
(Let the good times roll, let the good times roll)
And I want these words to make things right
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life
"Who does he think he is?"
If that's the worst you got
Better put your fingers back to the keys

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball
It's always cloudy except for (except for)
When you look into the past (look into the past)
One night stand (one night stand off)

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers
In hotel rooms collecting page six lovers
Get me out of my mind and get you out of those clothes
I'm a liner away from getting you into the mood, whoa

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

One night and one more time (One more night, one more time)
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time (One more night, one more time)
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

completely unreliable.

so remember that time i said i was gonna blog every day? i lied. big time.

i still love you tho oh mighty blogland.

i want more people than courtney sue to read my blog (not that i dont love you! muah!)

how can i do that? well courtney gave me some ideas but i dunno. in all honesty i want someone to read my stuff and be like HEY i will pay you a lot of money to just sit on your ass all day and BLOG. but i'm not that funny, or smart...or much of anything i guess. but if people can be youtube stars, i can be a blogstar...right? hmmm

do you realize that its 4:30 am? because it is. i should most definitely be in B-E-D. but of course i'm not.

i want someone to love me, to be head over heels incredibly and uncontrollably in love with me. i want to be married, and have kids, and just be a stay at home mom and cook supper and clean house and get glue and paint all over my clothes and clean up spilled juice and chocolate milk. i. am. so. lame. and yeah i know it. dont worry.

it seems that all that is going on lately is drama and i dont like it, i kinda just wanna go away...i dont mean to another town, i mean to another country, i wanna leave the country....go to england, or ireland...i dont know...

ok anyways time for bed! POBS.

ello blogland

hey, long time no see. i know, we have been having little flirtations here and there, but i just wasnt ready for anything serious. until now. sometimes you just gotta buckle down and get serious. so this is me announcing that i am going to TRY to blog everyday, even if i have nothing to write about. why? because i can SO BACK OFF!

so to recap my week thus far....i went H-O-M-E. ahhh *giant sigh of relief* hooooooooooome. no matter how much life sucks, i always have home, i love home. its such a nice word. home.

anyways, i got to spend a lot of time with my niece and nephew. they are literally my world at home. i LOVE them...they are fun, full of life, and its amazing how little kids can love you no matter how much you suck at life.

oh yeah, and my dad had some sort of neck surgery. that was scary, there were a lot of risks involved, including him dying. but hes okay, thank God. its not like he was deathly ill but when things like this happen it makes you realize what really matters to you. my family is my family, they arent always my favorite people but i have unconditional love for all of them.

my grandma makes me want to cry every time i go home. not because shes like mean to me, its just, my grandma is old, and shes not gonna be around forever, and it just seems like every time i go home theres something new that just makes her mortality more real. this time when i went home she had a cane, my grandmas is the hardest working woman i have ever met and i can only hope to lead a life as fulfilling as hers, but shes frail, and i dont like it and thinking about her leaving makes me really sad. i love her! yeah sad

anyways pobs

obligatory psychotic jackass

that has nothing to do with what i'm writing, i just more or less wanted to get your attention. now that i have it, i have nothing to keep you here, just hopes of you feeling sorry for me and staying.

sometimes...i wish i was a schizo...TIME OUT let me explain. i would either have an excuse to be as weird as i am or i would be institutionalized and i wouldnt have to work or pay for things and i would have some sweet highclass meds. i'm not like a drug addict or anything. swear. and that sweet padded room. who doesnt want to live in a room made out of pillows? if you dont then you are crazy...or not crazy, i dont know. anyways, not like a real wish or anything. its just me ya know having all the time in the world to think because my job is soooooo boring when there isnt any customers. thats kind of a whole nother blog and no one wants to hear about my lame job anyway, other then i make quite a bit of money, which is nice, but it all goes to bills anyway. ahh, the vicious circle that is coporate america. dont worry, i'm not one of those fuck the coporate world people or anything i just think that bills kinda suck sometimes. but i definitely dont want this place to turn into china...communism=not cool.

did you know that more people are killed every year during donkey rides than plane crashes? it makes me feel a lot better about planes, but not so safe about asses. but then again, who are these crazy people who RIDE DONKEYS. oh, hey, there is a kicking, stubborn animal...LET'S SADDLE UP. lame.

in other news, viet nam came to visit me the other morning. if you dont know what i am referencing when i say viet nam then you suck. hard. anyway here i am in my bathroom dealing wtih viet nam. and i realize that this is the first official viet nam visit in a long time. it hasnt been normal lately and this time it was. thank goodness. sorry to gross you all out, but um yeah i had to tell someone that as a result of me being less stressed my body is normal again. except for the weight thing, that is next on the agenda.

who wants to buy me an elliptical? c'mon i know you're dying to. its just a measely 800 bucks. better yet, TAKE ALL UNHEALTHY FOOD AWAY FROM ME. all i want is to be in front of people and not feel like all they are thinking is damn, some lean cuisine wouldnt hurt much. blech. i know i'm not like morbidly obese, but umm, how long before i am ya know? it almost makes me not want to have kids because i am going to blow up like a blimp...i know it. anyway...i am gonna go i think cuz i'm pretty sure if anyone besides courtney reads this they are sufficiently creeped out. a lot.

bow-chicka-bow bow.

yeah i just titled my blog with classic cliche porn music. dont hate. or do, i dont care. anyway...i went to the eye doctor today, i say eye doctor cuz op-tom-et-ree is too much to say, even tho i just did. completely contradictory. anyway apparently my eyesight is BETTER then it used to be...who would have guessed, not me so i ordered some new glasses (remember the fake sexy hot librarian ones? yeah they look pretty similar to those...H-O-T-T hot)

sooo, lets talk more about me because i am feeling particularly vain today. most days i dont even like facing the mirror, today i did and it was fun. and OOOH! i saw that guy that i went on the horrible date with today. he was in jcpenney, umm HELLO, if someone like HIM is shopping there, he is definitely a poser. lame. like i should be talking, skull shirts, skull leggings, and etnies. pah-leeze killian. but i'm still a-w-e-s-o-m-e AWESOME! haha there is a lot of spelling going on here. whtev.

i have to go to fargo for training on the 19 and 20, and i am going to hang out with andrew (yay!) and courtney (DOUBLE yay!) and my brother (eh, hes's okay) anyways it should be good. i need to get out of bismarck, i havent left since i was home for christmas break. not like THAT was all so spectacular or anything but yeah.

and hello, can we talk about my picture? cuz its fly, supa-fly.

i have a new obsession...Prince. yeah, thats the artist. i just want your extra time and your duh duh duh duh duh KISS. hot. hes so feminine but hes freakin cool. aaah i'm workin, workin up a black sweat, ahhh workin, workin up a black sweat.

OOOH AND MY FAVE!!!! heres the lyrics for darling nikki, possibly the dirtiest song of all times.

(kind of fitting since i started this blog with the porn song)

I knew a girl named Nikki

I guess u could say she was a sex fiend

I met her in a hotel lobby

Masturbating with a magazine

She said how'd u like 2 waste some time

And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind

She took me 2 her castle

And I just couldn't believe my eyes

She had so many devices

Everything that money could buy

She said sign your name on the dotted line

The lights went out

And Nikki started 2 grind

Nikki

The castle started spinning

Or maybe it was my brain

I can't tell u what she did 2 me

But my body will never be the same

Her lovin' will kick your behind

Oh, she'll show u no mercy

But she'll sho'nuff sho'nuff show u how 2 grind

Darlin' Nikki

Woke up the next morning

Nikki wasn't thereI looked all over and all I found

Was a phone number on the stairs

It said thank u 4 a funky time

Call me up whenever u want 2 grind

Oh, Nikki, ohhhh

Come back Nikki, come back

Your dirty little Prince

Wanna grind grind grind grind grind grind grind grind grind

hell yeah, i'm the motherf*ckin princess.

soooooo (sorry in advance courtney) I LOVE AVRIL LAVIGNE. i have been basically obsessed since her first album. shes possibly my favorite artist ever, not necessarily because she is the most amazing singer or anything (cuz we all know thats courtney sue) but her songs have such truth and meaning behind them that make them personal to her, but she somehow makes them easy to relate to. her music has helped me through break ups, death of friends, but also helped me be okay with being who i am. so cheesey i know, but its the truth. her new song, at first doesnt seem like her type of style but the more i listen to it i realize it IS her, its just more upbeat, i mean hello, she is being a demanding bizzo and telling this guy to tell his girlfriend to eff off cuz she can "do it better" and who else declares themselves not only precious and and a princess but saying they are "damn precious" and "motherf*cking princess"???? AVRIL, THATS WHO!!!! and at the same time she is telling this guy to tell his lame girlfriend to eff off, she insults the guy she likes!!! thats badass "shes so stupid what the hell were you thinkin?" anyways, this pic really doesnt convey any of my feelings at the present moment, i just like it for some reason. the way my eyes look i think. hmm anyways thats all i got for now suckas
POBS

long time no...blog.

hi...you...no no, i havent been avoiding you. i swear, no dont say that YOU DONT MEAN THAT! oh, well...fine. fine. yeah, so i guess i'll se you later. but first!!!!!! i at least need to tell you THIS. ok the andrew thing (i am the first to admit) is so up and down and bipolar that almost no one can understand and even i have troubles most of the time. anyways, we are once again, back to where we were. dating only not. still frustrating, but heres me saying "i'll take what i can get" and yeah, i am a stupid stupid girl who isnt trying to do better because she is somehow after all shit hopelessly, and possibly endlessly, in love with the craphead, yeah i said the word, i always avoid it but i didnt this time. anyways, yes I AM COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY FUCKED UP. and i know it. and the situation is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY FUCKED UP. and i know it. the whole world knows it. the cat sleeping next to me knows it. and let me tell you hes a dumb fuckin cat.

okay thats all, i know i know, you have to go, and you are never going to talk to me again and you hate my life. i'm sorry its been so long. please, dont give up on me, baby.

POBS